Rocky road but only one more to go!

Good morning all! Sorry I've been MIA but I've been grumpy & well, if you have nothing nice to say....

I finished my 1st chemo cocktail without any major incidents & started my 2nd chemo regimen (Taxol) on May 13th, & started (what i thought was ) my 30 day countdown to my last chemo treatment - whih was supposed to be today, June 13th! Well Taxol had different ideas!

Nothing but trouble. Taxol & I were like a drama filled teenage relationship..

I got thru my dirst round of taxol, but when i went back for my 2nd dose two weks later, my chemo got CAncELled b/c my blood counts were too low. Frickin doctors. Frickin Taxol. Platelets Went from 181 last week to 63. Nervous nellies. Whatever. I told doc I would be fine & promised not to start spontaneously bleeding but he did not see things my way. Said I would feel great with an extra weeks break. Whateverrrrr. No blood transfusions needed so I guess that was some Good news. Just needed to watch for bleeding from ears nose gums... I'm a walking horror movie. Pls refer to me as bride of chuckie only from now on

Upside was I did have an extra week to recover so felt like a champ when Gigi's 5th birthday rolled around & the tooth fairy came to visit her. All in one week!

By the next Thursday my numbers had rebounded! It was either all the green leafy veggies I've been eating... Or the jelly donut from the gas station that am 😎, so they hooked me up & got ready to go...

30 minutes later I got thrown off Taxol - chemo halted as Taxol was causing me long bone spasms up & down spine equivant to labor contractions. Imagine repeated knife stabbings in your spine.

Got sent home that day & had to come back Friday to start new drug (taxotere - cousin of taxol but easier). Because of the change in drugs had to also switch to 3 week cycle so won't be done until July. Grr!!! Angry face!

Taxotere still made me feel like crap, with mild neurpoathy in hands, bone pain and still tired (but occasionally suffer from insomnia?), but the most interesting side effect was a rash that resembles poison ivy all over my body - Isn't that grande?

Well today I went back for my taxotere. Dr. Dropped my taxotere dose by 10 mg b/c of crazy rash but not Dr. Dropping my taxotere dose b/c of crazy rash but luckily did not get thrown off regimen Woo hoo!

Made it thru the dose so I only have 1 more chemo cycle left! fingers crossed!!

Also get to do next chemo on July 8th so all clear for 4th activities!

Survived soccer season, but now doing gymnastics team 3 days a week, doing some random kids camps (cross country/tennis/golf/cross country) & did sign grace & her peeps up for a competitive soccer tournament for next weekend, so life is still crazy but all good distractions!

Living my [ab]normal life

Hello to all! Sorry if I have been AwOl, but I've been busy. Living. My life.

Its been in the 70s here. We've got the convertible out for church on Sunday, went to the donut store & zoo after. Was I bone tired from chemo last week Thursday? Yes. But I tried a new technique of not sitting down so I could get things done & it seemed to work. I even got a bit randy and stopped at Home Depot and bought mulch to start the front yard project. It's not finished but its started!

In the meantime, my cancer journey continues. I wish I was done with Chemo. I hate it. Going to the cancer center gives me a visceral reaction. I get nauseous just driving there.

Now, thats just me being whiny. I don't have a real reason to complain compared to what my sister & others have to go through. I have got it easy in the chemo world. My side effects are minimal: I suffer from the queasies & bone jarring exhaustion. The exhaustion seems to take a little longer to go away each time but that's it. I did get an iron infusion (Venofer) to help with my low iron/tiredness. Not a bad experience but why can't the dr just prescribe a nice steak dinner? 😁🐮🐮🐮. I try to take care of the queasies with regular trips to McAllisters deli or Chipotles.

I have not read thru all my anti-cancer books or started cooking new foods because I'm too TIRED to read or concentrate. I try to save my powers of concentration for the office. I cook dinner as fast as I can some nights & dream of going to bed. Don't call me after 8pm because I'm pretty much guaranteed to be in bed by then. I've missed all my favorite 10pm TV shows b/c I'm long asleep. I should figure out how to record them so I can watch them at 4am when I'm wide awake. Yep chemo induced exhaustion with a side of insomnia. What a kicker, huh?

I have one more dose of my current cocktail then switch to the next flavor -word is that the 2nd cocktail will be easier. I still have chemo every other week til June 13 =
April 18 - Adriamycin, cisplatin chemo cocktail
May 2 - Taxol chemo cocktail
May 16 - Taxol chemo cocktail
May 30 - Taxol chemo cocktail
June 13 - Taxol chemo cocktail

& in the mean time soccer begins next week! and will keep us busy & be on a soccer field every weekend from next Saturday (April 20th) to Saturday June 8th.. . And yes my crack-a-lakin self is coaching again!

So know I am alive & well and occasionally dozing with my eyes open and as much as you love me & are worrying, I'm doing okay and I love you right back 10x to the moon!

Honoring the American eagle

It's been said before by numerous people but it is worth saying again .... hair loss is D I S G U S T I N G.

All the literature I received said that hair loss would occur in 14-21 days. Right on target.

As I sit here on day 20 of my chemo adventure I can tell you They nailed it. My hair loss in the last 48 hours overwhelmed me. I was really hoping I would benefit from my genetically thick hair & just keep it thin and sleek.

I decided this morning when I woke up and LOOKED like a cancer patient that I'd had enough.

The girls & I had fun this morning trying on wig options. Georgia could pass as Billy Ray Cirus' child.

This afternoon I accepted I will be bald for Easter ... & yes, I am planning on painting my head. As such, I decided to get this freaking hair off my head and got my head shaved this afternoon. I decided I would rather be bald than look like a chemo patient.

As always, there still an upside. The American cancer society has contacted me about doing a news promo spot for the Pantene wig I received. I could become famous! Hahahaha

Batter up!

1st cancer chemo treatment cycle down. #2 round today & then only 6 more to go - yippee!

So everyone asks how ya doing? All I can say that chemo "is not my favorite" ( as Gigi likes to to say about things that she hates like broccoli).

I was blessed with round #1 with minimal side effects. I'm praying that my luck continues with round #2. Plus this time I know what to expect & WHeN to expect it...

Day 1 - queasy. Antibnasua meds take care of it

Day 2 - nothing exciting to report. Waiting for excruciating bone pain to happen - nothing.

Days 3&4 - good but sooo tired. 3 naps a day help!

Day 5 - back to work. Tired but good.

Thought I was home free. Surprise!

See, what the med peeps don't warn you about is the ~timeframe~ for everything. You might be some ideas that certain things will happen on certain days but I had some surprises ...

Neulasta! I took the warnings seriously when both my physician and nurse warned me about bone pain after the Neulasta. I was told to expect is Saturday night. it came & went & I thought I was home free. what they failed to mention was that it may also kick in when your white cells bottom out 8-10!days later. Mine began day 7 after the dose and persisted for 2+ days. imagine random pains in my sternum (crushing chest pains ) you might be having a heart attack followed byrandom back spasms which felt like I thru my back out, followed by worstmenstrual cramps ever, followed by a walking like a ninety year-old with rheumatoid arthritis. Aand having it last for 2 1/2 days. :)

Now I wait on my hair. I still have it!!! Now I still have another 1- 5 days before it may happen. I just keep tugging on it in the morning and so far it's staying put.

I feel grateful my body feels great - that's my good news!

In celebration of still having hair. Here's a "so good, so easy" for you that involves hair

ANGEL "HAIr" AGLIO OLIO
Maggiano's Little Italy Copycat Recipe

Serves 2

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1/8 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4 pound angel hair pasta, cooked

Add to skillet oil, garlic, red pepper and saute for 3 minutes. Add cooked pasta and 1/4 cup of pasta water, salt and black pepper, toss and server immediately

Swimming with Manatees

I've been thinking about my "bucket list"of items recently; more specifically, I want to swim with manatees -and also Dolphin - okay maybe not swim with them. More like go to Seaworld and sit on a dock and feed them & pet them on their noses. I think this is because I've watched too many episodes of Good Morning America's Sam Champion's Sea Rescue show. Perhaps because its much more entertaining to daydream about these wonderful moments than focus on reality.

Lately I've been PETed, MUGged & today I start my first round of chemo - Cytoxan + Adriamycin (also known in cancer circles as the "red devil").

I mean, who want to take drug named that?! I figure the one thing I have going for me is I am sure several old boyfriends probably called me the Red Devil on occasion so at least we are evenly matched.

I am not happy to have this disease, nor is anyone who has it. So what do I do?

I surround myself with amazing people who pray for me, who bring me meals or get take-out chinese to show up magically at my door, send me cards (some everyday), clean my house, offer to scoop my dog poop, check in on me constantly, drive me places when I can’t, offer their homes, offer to take my kids to kidventures, offer support to my mother and sisters, come over to keep me company or go to lunch with me, offer their friendship and love . . .

I consider myself the luckiest person in the world because I have kids that tell me they love me again and again and again, who offer me sweet kisses and melty hugs, who make me giggle when they tell me I'm "cray cray" becuase I'm acting too silly & "Um-barrassing"them, who want to help by making me luke-warm hot cocoa for a treat at night, who have mastered the art of a cup of tea & even know that I like milk in mine though they do not, who think its extra fun to tuck ME in at night if i am so tired i don't have the energy to tuck them in ...

I am grateful to have been blessed to have a family who loves me, even when l act like an idiot, who cry themselves to sleep at the thought of losing me & say, “I wish it were me,” and they mean it . . .

So I continue to thank God for my life just the way it is! I have had a good life, and I intend to live for many years to come. I plan on seeing my Girls grow up. I plan on kissing a manatee, I plan on going whitewater rafting again the minute! I am able, I plan on going to northern Michigan as much as I can to stuff my pockets with petosky stones from my Aunt's Secret beach and as many free samples from Cherry Republic as I can get!

In the meantime. Found a recipe you might enjoy-

Red Devil Cocktail

Ingredients
1 1/2 oz Southern Comfort
1 1/2 oz Vodka
2 oz Triple Sec
1 1/2 oz Peach Schnapps
1 1/2 oz Sloe Gin
2 oz Orange Juice
1 splash Grenadine
Best served in a Highball Glass.

Happy Valentines Day

Love comes in lots of different forms & this valentines day I can say I have never felt more loved.

My gifts I received? Yep got the standards - my DeBrands chocolates (thanks Mom) & a wonderful Valentines day card from the girls (with a little help from a Titi)

But also got some other wonderful gifts too. I got a 4 year old who I just discovered loves to empty the dishwasher. I have an 8 year old who has mastered the art of hot cocoa & microwave popcorn. I've got 2 little kids who want to tuck ME into bed at night b/c they know its hard for me to bend over right now to tuck me in. I've gots friends who ate pancakes for an entire week! Just to show there love & support. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a blue Tiffany box as much as the next girl, but the gifts I've received recently are worth so much more.

So for those out there still searching for their "true love", let me tell you, you probably already have it.

So long over-the-shoulder boulder holders

I realized yesterday that I can pack up all my bras - at least for the next year.
 
Since middle school (for most of us) we have had these accessories in varying shapes & sizes - modest & padded in our teens, sexy & lacy in our 20s, something designed by Victoria Secret in our 30s, & something to lift- shape- separate in our 40s that Jane Russell would have envied. Now I'm told to go buy tank tops- with no shelf bra. Don't know why it took me until yesterday evening for that revelation to set in.
 
I can't say I’ll miss my bras. Most of us talk about fantasies of going braless, to not be encumbered by wires, straps, etc. After Georgia was born I even gave serious consideration to just wearing my nursing bras for perpetuity b/c they were so soft, comfy, wire free -- kind of like those cotton big girl panties that are so seriously unattractive but so freaking comfortable. But I decided that for my personal self-esteem that I still needed to holster the sisters in something that was somewhat attractive. Now I’ve entered the next boobie phase in my life – Foobs.
 

Foobs are fake boobs to all you breast cancer neophytes. I am also giving serious consideration to just wearing shirts cut open to the navel (I mean, why not? It’s not like I will have any boobs to fall out). I get to pick out my foobs in about 6 weeks. I think I may get SEVERAL sizes so I have options for how I am feeling that day.

 

Until I get my foobs, I have my knitted knockers to wear while I heal. Yep, I didn’t stutter. I said knitted knockers. What in the world are they, you ask? Well people with knitting skills (NOT me) knit breast shaped prostheses for cancer patients:

 

http://theknittingexperience.com/knitted_knockers_program/what_are_knitted_knockers_2.html

All the knockers made by the Knitting Experience are donated by volunteers so they are completely free to survivors. They are very soft& light weight so they can be worn right away. And yep, I found another cancer freebie J

 

What really is the BEST about these is that they were a simple, easy tool to use in discussing my surgery with my girls. The girls could touch them, squeeze them, & they even tried them on J The set I got was 2 different shades of purple so they are not only non-threatening, they are fun! For Grace, this was a great way to broach what could have been a scary conversation. Grace was initially concerned & scared for me, but when I told her that I would ask the Doctor to make my scar in the shape of a smiley face (if possible) so we could then use a permanent marker to draw eyes on my chest, she giggled. Georgia liked that I would now “look like her,” & figured that they will just grow back. J They also told me I would look young without boobs. Who said that having cancer had no upside?

 

So don’t go braless tomorrow in honor of me (eek!); instead, enjoy all your pamcakes this week& know that I have been lifted up by all your kind words.

 

In honor of the bra, here is a yummy recipe I thought I would share:

 

Bacalhau a Bras (Portuguese Scrambled Eggs with Salt Cod and Potatoes)

Ingredients

1 pound dried salt cod
7 tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 1/2 pounds russet potatoes, peeled, cut into matchstick-size strips (about 6 cups)
1 large onion, thinly sliced
1 bay leaf
8 large eggs
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 head garlic
4 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley, divided
18 oil-cured black olives
 

Directions

1.        Rinse the fish and place it in a bowl. Add enough cold water to cover. Chill overnight, changing the water several times.

2.       The next day, drain the fish and transfer to a large saucepan. Cover with water, bring to a boil, and simmer until the fish flakes easily, about 15 minutes. Drain and cool. Flake the fish, discarding any bones.

3.       Heat 4 tablespoons of the oil in a heavy, large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add the potatoes in batches and saute until crisp and golden, about 7 minutes per batch. Transfer the potatoes to paper towels to drain.

4.       Add 1 tablespoon of the oil to the same skillet. Add the onion and bay leaf and saute until golden, about 15 minutes. Discard the bay leaf. Reduce the heat to low. Add the remaining 2 tablespoons oil to the onion slices in the skillet. Mix in the fish and potatoes.

5.       Whisk the eggs, the 1/2 teaspoon salt, and the 1/2 teaspoon pepper in a large bowl to blend.

6.       Add the egg mixture and 3 tablespoons of the parsley to the fish mixture in the skillet.

7.       Cook over medium heat until the eggs are softly set, stirring occasionally, about 3 minutes.

8.       Transfer the eggs to a platter. Garnish with the olives and the remaining 1 tablespoon parsley.    

Official Flat as a Pancacke week is here!

Today is the start of [flat as a] Pancake week for all people flattened literally & figuratively by breast cancer.

For those who have missed it, I was officially diagnosed with breast cancer on 12-7-2012.  After nearly 2 months of doctors-tests-consultatio, I am finally set for surgery on Tuesday !  I have asked all my friends to eat pancakes this week to support breast cancer awareness ( so much better than trying to get people to shave off perfectly fine heads of hair IMO) :)

I'm including a couple of pancake recipes in my blog (one even gluten free/Paleo based !) or if you don't want to cook,  IHOP is offering a free short stack on February 5th:
http://www.ihoppancakeday.com/

Bob Evans is also having $4.99 all you can eat pancakes -or- I am uploading a BOGO free BE Breakfast coupon

http://bobevans.fbmta.com/members/ViewMailing.aspx?MailingID=36507255066


**Whole-Grain Banana Blueberry Pancakes**

1 cup oat flour (see below for instructions on making your own)
1 cup white whole-wheat flour
2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup diced walnuts (optional)
2 eggs, slightly beaten
1/4 cup canola oil
1 banana, mashed
2 tablespoons honey
1 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup low-fat milk
1/2 cup fresh blueberries
Directions

In a large mixing bowl, whisk dry ingredients together. in another mixing bowl, combine remaining ingredients, except blueberries. Pour wet mixture into dry, and stir until combined and most lumps disappear; fold in blueberries.

Heat griddle to 350°, or until a drop of water sizzles when dropped on griddle. Spray griddle with nonstick cooking spray, and pour on 1/4 cup pancake mix. Turn pancakes over when they begin to dry around the edges and are golden on the bottom. if desired, top pancakes with additional blueberries and banan- as, and drizzle with 100% pure maple syrup.

Tip: To make oat flour, add old- fashioned oats to a blender (1 cup oats makes 1 cup flour), and blend until a flour-like consistency is achieved.



**Cherry Chocolate Chip (Paleo) Pancakes (or Waffles)**

Ingredients

2 cups of sweet cherries
2 Bananas
2 cups of almond butter
2 tbsp Arrowroot powder
2 tbsp Vanilla
4 eggs
1 cup of Dark Chocolate Chunks


1. Pit cherries (tedious work, I will seriously reconsider before allowing a free for all with the kids at pyo cherries next year)

2. Puree cherries and bananas until smooth

3. Add almond butter and puree until smooth (LOVE my immersion blender)

4. Add all remaining ingredients except chocolate chips and mix

5. Stir in chocolate chips

6. Heat skillet to medium/high, add a little coconut oil if your skillet isn’t non stick

7. Ladle in batter and watch for bubbles to come up to the top surface of the pancake

8. Flip and cook opposite side 2-3 minutes.

Every stove top and skillet is a little different. The first batch of pancakes in the pan are always the test subjects to see how long it takes before they can be flipped successfully yet still be golden and how long the opposite side needs to cook. I will say these pancakes have a tendency to need to cook a little longer than some pancakes before firming up yet also brown more quickly sue to their high sugar content. Keep an eye on them!

Accepting the love

So last week I finally sat down & cried. A good old sit at the table with my head down gut wrenching sobs cry. What triggered it? Perfect strangers want to clean my house - empty my cat box - even fold my laundry - for free!  This organization - Cleaning for a Reason - puts cancer patients in contact with local cleaning companies who donate their time to cancer patients.  Perfect strangers. Me.  

Now most people who know me know I am independent; I believe I may have even been called stubborn on occasion. So accepting the love, kindness & generosity from my friends & family, and yes, even perfect strangers, has been one of the  biggest struggles for me in this journey.  Even though I would absolutely anything for those I care about, its difficult to accept it in return.  So thank you & bear with me.

I could't find an "Accepting the Love"recipe, but I think this recipe for Italian LOVE cake is pretty darn close:

Ingredients:

1 (18.25 ounce) package chocolate cake mix 2 pints part-skim ricotta cheese 3/4 cup white sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 eggs 1 (3.9 ounce) package instant chocolate pudding mix 1 cup milk 1 (12 ounce) container frozen whipped topping, thawed

Directions:

1.	Prepare cake mix as directed on box. Pour batter into 9 x 13 x 2 inch greased baking dish. Set aside.
2.	Combine ricotta cheese, sugar, vanilla, and eggs. Blend well. Spread mixture evenly over the top of the cake batter.
3.	Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 75 minutes if using a glass baking dish, 90 minutes if using a metal pan.
4.	Blend pudding mix and milk until thickened. Blend in whipped topping. Spread over cooled cake.

 

CALL ME ID

CALL ME ID

Did I mention I am not a patient person?  And that I think delayed gratification is a crock of sh*t?  Yep, I know, you’re shocked.

According to Sigmund Freud's psychoanalytic theory of personality, personality is composed of three elements --known as the Id, the Ego and the Superego.  According to Freud, the id is the only component of personality that is present from birth. This aspect of personality is entirely unconscious and includes of the instinctive and primitive behaviors. According to Freud:

The id is the source of all psychic energy, making it the primary component of personality.  The id is driven by the pleasure principle, which strives for immediate gratification of all desires, wants, and needs. If these needs are not satisfied immediately, the result is a state anxiety or tension. For example, an increase in hunger or thirst should produce an immediate attempt to eat or drink. The id is very important early in life, because it ensures that an infant's needs are met. If the infant is hungry or uncomfortable, he or she will cry until the demands of the id are met. However, immediately satisfying these needs is not always realistic or even possible.

Yep, that’s me all right.

Started my morning off with my long-awaited consult with the plastic surgeon.  Been [im]patiently waiting for a month to meet with him to discuss what my “reconstruction options” are.  You want to know what they are?  Here’s the video Dr. Boobi-opo  had me watch:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiSL8E6Sckc&sns=em

 

 

So anyway, I started the morning fully prepared.  Even remembered to bring my coffee in.  Bad news is I nearly wet my pants because I had to wait so long.  Today’s goal was to not leave his office without a plan of action & a surgical date.  Sad to report that the goal was not met.

 

Here’s a quick summary of my meeting with Dr. Boobi-opo:

1) He is recommending DELayed reconstruction due to possible Radiation invasion to left breast when they zap my pit - need to wait 6 months after radiation.

2) He recommends just a unilateral mastectomy with “facelift” on other.

 

 So here I sit frustrated for so many reasons. Frustrated b/c I have already waited a month to still have no concrete plan of action, frustrated because I still have to wait, that I will have to go thru:

·         surgery = 1 month

·         chemo = 4-6 months

·         Radiation = 1 month + wait 6 months before I can get reconstruction.

My bad math says I will be without boobies for 12+ months! THAT SUCKS.  My inner 4 year old child is kicking her feet & lying on the floor wailing out of frustration.

Now logically, I get it.  I understand the doctor’s concern that even though I am only going to need radiation in my armpit, it will “spillover” to left breast & it is better to replace possible irradiated skin with fresh tummy skin (yep, this girl is gonna get a free boob job – tummy tuck out if this!) than to risk doing reconstruction first & damaging fresh new tissue with evil radiation beams.  Like I said, I get it.  However, inner child is NOT having any of it.

 

I’m also frustrated with the doctor’s implication that a bilateral mastectomy would somehow be medically unnecessary.  Does he not get that the strongest risk factor for breast cancer is age. At 40, my risk of developing breast cancer would be 1.47 % (or 1 in 68). At 70, it would be 3.82 % (or 1 in 26).  Or that only 7% of the women with breast cancer are under 50! What that means is that all the “studies” are focused on a control group that 93% of are (well) over the age of 50 – most in their 60s or 70s.  Yes, I am aware of the studies that indicate that a bilateral mastectomy may not decrease the risk of developing a contralateral breast cancer (getting cancer in the other boobie), but I have a life expectancy of another 37 years.  A 65 year old woman has a life expectancy of 20 years.  A 75 year old woman has a life expectancy of 12 years.  Translated, I have more years to live so I more years in which for cancer to reoccur.  Or how about as a younger woman, I am 9 times more likely to get cancer again if I do a lumpectomy vs. a mastectomy.  I think there was also a recent report that mammograms are not needed until age 50.  Umm, Hello? 46 here.  Cancer caught by routine annual mammogram at 46.  Cancer has already spread beyond breast into lymph nodes.  Hello? Anyone? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I would be dead by the time I reach 50 if I had waited.

There are lots of studies, but I don’t give a CRAP about studies.  This is about ME – Pam, Pamela, Daughter, PameLAMi, Doodie, Mother, Sister, niece, cousin, aunt, godmamma, friend. ME GODDAMIT!

I don’t care that my risk of developing cancer in the healthy breast may be “fairly low.”  If I get to choose between 1% and 9%, I chose the 1%.  DCIS is associated with an increased risk of invasive breast cancer.   I’m young; I have a strong family history of all kinds of cancer.  I will do everything in my power to prevent my girls from having to watch me die from this.  GODDAMMIT.

The best comment I found from someone who also faced this decision was “I decided to only dance with this devil once.”  At the end of the day, I’m just going with my gut. Cut these puppies off. 

On a more positive note, I solved my problem.  I can get Immediate Gratification.  I can make Immediate Gratification Jam.  Yep, that is its real name.  Don’t you just love Google?

Here’s the recipe–

This jam is not preserved in airtight jars with wax seals. It's completely fresh, and you only make enough to last about a week because it keeps well in the refrigerator for that long. It is delicious on toasted French bread that has been buttered as lightly or liberally as your taste and waist allow.

Ingredients -

·         Strawberries, raspberries or blueberries*

·         Approximately 1 to 2 cups sugar, depending on how much fruit you use

Directions -

1.       If the strawberries are large, cut them into four pieces; if small, cut into two pieces. The blueberries and raspberries do not need to be cut.

2.       Put the fruit in a bowl and toss with sugar until all the fruit is coated with sugar.

3.       Put the fruit in a saucepan.

4.       Add water to halfway up the fruit in the pan.

5.       Bring to a boil uncovered.

6.       Lower heat to a simmer immediately, stirring occasionally.

7.       When the fruit has turned liquid, taste and add more sugar if it's not sweet enough.

 

Once the extra sugar melts into the fruit, the jam is ready. It still looks runny but will firm up enough after it has been refrigerated.

Happy New Year. I have cancer. Yep that says it all. Can I just stop there? Yeah, probably not.

Happy New Year.  I have cancer.  Yep that says it all. Can I just stop there?  Yeah, probably not.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble."

My TaTas.  I give full credit to Victoria’s Secret for how cute they look in this pic.

The one thing I love about Facebook it that it lets me know what my friends & family are up to in their daily lives – picked up kids, just had lobster, someone dressed the dog up in a batman costume & painted their toes. Mundane? Yes. But that is what makes me feel more connected with people I have not seen or talked to in ages because now I am part of their daily lives.

The downside about Facebook is it often results in a bunch of one-liners, so when something major happens, you always wonder - What? When? Who? Details please!!! Since there is only so much info I can put in a “status update”, my sister told me to blog it.

The short version –

Annual mammogram the Monday after Thanksgiving turns into cancerous tumors found in left breast & lymph nodes in left armpit. Living life with a cup half full prognosis: Girlfriend is getting a free boob job!

Longer version -

-Monday, Nov. 28th: Had annual mammogram Monday after thanksgiving.

-Tues: Received call requesting I come back for a recheck

- Wed: Diagnostic mammogram done & ultrasound requested by radiologist & done. 2 suspicious lumps in L breast. Also possible funny business in armpit lymph glands.

- Monday, Dec. 3rd: Had needle biopsy Monday.

-Tues: Still no biopsy results, but did get OBGYN to fax me copy of Radio. report. Not good. My BIRADS score was “5”. BIRADS = Breast Imaging Reporting and Data System. This indicates the radiologist's opinion of the absence or presence of breast cancer. It sets up a classification for Level of Suspicion (LOS) - the possibility of breast cancer. "5 = Highly Suspicious of Malignancy. Lesion that has a high probability of being malignant (>= 95%); take appropriate action." Not good. :(

- Wed: Preliminary pathology report in. Yep, its cancer.

- Fri, December 7th: Met with surgeon. Diagnosis: invasive ductal carcinoma - stage 2. Preliminary course of treatment most likely- double mastectomy +chemo. Still waiting on full pathology. Need to know if my cancer is receptive to hormones &/or “supercharged.

- MRI on December 12^th, genetic counselor & testing on the 13^th, back to the surgeon on the 14^th for further game planning, & Oncologist on the 31^st.

Diagnosis:

Ø  Invasive Ductal Carcinoma: Invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC), also known as infiltrating ductal carcinoma, is cancer that began growing in the duct and has invaded the fatty tissue of the breast outside of the duct. IDC is the most common form of breast cancer, representing 80 percent of all breast cancer diagnoses.

Ø  Stage 2 (a?)

Ø  Grade 1 (5/9)

Ø  Tumors found in (think of boob as a clock dial) left breast at:

–        @ 10:30  1.3cm

–        @ 10:00     9 mm

–        @ 12:00     6 mm

–        Funky business also found @ 6. Needs further testing

Ø  Tumors found in lymph glands – level 1 & 2 nodes (15 x 6 x 11 mm)

Ø  Hormone Receptor Status: ER+ / PR+ / HER-

Now what?

The good news in all of this is I have "plain old breast cancer", which means the most researched & the best treatable. However, the median age for diagnosis for cancer of the breast is 61.  I'm 46.  That’s young in cancer world.   Because of getting cancer at a young age, & because my life expectancy is  another 40+ years, the chances of my getting cancer again in my lifetime is high.  Because of that, I am opting to have a bilateral mastectomy. Mastectomy offers 1% recurrence rate - lumpectomy offers chance of 30% recurrence. I do NOT what to go through all of this again.  Appearance is a big factor in my decision too. Take a minute and Google “breast reconstruction” & you’ll see what I mean. To do a lumpectomy with all the funky business in my breast would give me more craters than the moon. Frankly, I want my girls to match & be symmetrical. And to be really frank about it, I’ve nursed 2 babies & lost 100 lbs., so the tatas I have are not that pretty without the help of Victoria’s Secret & could use a facelift.  Also, did you know that there is a breast reconstruction technique that involves me getting a tummy tuck too?!  I am soooo there!

Now I am just waiting on others’ schedules, Oncologist wants to do radiation in armpit due to lymph node invasion + definite for chemo due to my "young" age, size of tumor found since last annual screening, and the fact that it has spread to lymph nodes.  Meeting with Plastics guy on the 15^th to discuss my “reconstruction options.”  Drs then all coordinate their schedules.  No dates yet but probably end of January or beginning of February.

So how am I doing? Good. My Mom managed to raise 3 women who are amazingly strong, practical & resilient (my brother is a whole ‘nother blog article).  I’m not terrified.  I’m pissed off. The surgery doesn’t scare me.  The chemo is soo going to suck, but I am up for the fight.  The worst of all if it is the unknown -- Will this come back? When? What happens to my girls if things get really bad or go really wrong?  Those thoughts are the ones that get me.  I’m more worries about those who care about me than myself: my sister Suzanne was diagnosed & treated for cervical cancer just this past February.  She knows what I am in for because she‘s lived it; my sister Michelle has been scared witless by this – she knows what I am in for too with her medical background, & is scared at the thought that she is next (*great news just in: I’m NEGATIVE for the BRCA 1 & BRCA 2 genes! – girls in my family are not cursed!); and my Mom has now had 2 of her babies diagnosed with cancer within a year. Sucks!

In my “Living life with a cup half full” attitude, I am intrigued by the possibility of having some rockin wigs & not having to shave my legs all summer.  I am working on accepting all the love-help-support from those around me.  I plan on keeping my Starbucks card loaded. I am trying not to use my “I have cancer” card as an excuse for a shopping binge. I think that’s a good start.