CALL
ME ID
Did I mention I am not a patient person? And that I think delayed gratification is a
crock of sh*t? Yep, I know, you’re
shocked.
According to Sigmund Freud's
psychoanalytic theory of personality, personality is composed of three elements
--known as the Id, the Ego and the Superego.
According to Freud, the id is
the only component of personality that is present from birth. This aspect of
personality is entirely unconscious and includes of the instinctive and
primitive behaviors. According to Freud:
The id is
the source of all psychic energy, making it the primary component of
personality. The id is driven by the pleasure principle, which
strives for immediate gratification of all desires, wants, and needs. If these
needs are not satisfied immediately, the result is a state anxiety or tension.
For example, an increase in hunger or thirst should produce an immediate
attempt to eat or drink. The id is very important early in life, because it
ensures that an infant's needs are met. If the infant is hungry or
uncomfortable, he or she will cry until the demands of the id are met. However,
immediately satisfying these needs is not always realistic or even possible.
Yep, that’s me all right.
Started my morning off with my long-awaited consult with the plastic
surgeon. Been [im]patiently waiting for
a month to meet with him to discuss what my “reconstruction options” are. You want to know what they are? Here’s the video Dr. Boobi-opo had me watch:
So anyway, I started the morning fully prepared. Even remembered to bring my coffee in. Bad news is I nearly wet my pants because I
had to wait so long. Today’s goal was to
not leave his office without a plan of action & a surgical date. Sad to report that the goal was not met.
Here’s a quick summary of my meeting with Dr. Boobi-opo:
1) He is recommending DELayed reconstruction
due to possible Radiation invasion to left breast when they zap my pit - need to
wait 6 months after radiation.
2) He recommends just a unilateral mastectomy
with “facelift” on other.
So here I sit frustrated for so many reasons.
Frustrated b/c I have already waited a month to still have no concrete plan of
action, frustrated because I still have to wait, that I will have to go thru:
·
surgery
= 1 month
·
chemo
= 4-6 months
·
Radiation
= 1 month + wait 6 months before I can get reconstruction.
My
bad math says I will be without boobies for 12+ months! THAT SUCKS. My inner 4 year old child is kicking her feet
& lying on the floor wailing out of frustration.
Now logically, I get it. I understand the doctor’s concern that even
though I am only going to need radiation in my armpit, it will “spillover” to
left breast & it is better to replace possible irradiated skin
with fresh tummy skin (yep, this girl is gonna get a free boob job – tummy tuck
out if this!) than to risk doing reconstruction first & damaging fresh new
tissue with evil radiation beams. Like I
said, I get it. However, inner child is
NOT having any of it.
I’m also frustrated with the doctor’s implication that a bilateral
mastectomy would somehow be medically unnecessary. Does he not get that the strongest risk factor for breast cancer is age. At 40, my risk of developing breast cancer
would be 1.47 % (or 1 in 68). At 70, it would be 3.82 % (or
1 in 26). Or that only 7% of the women
with breast cancer are under 50! What that means is that all the “studies” are
focused on a control group that 93% of are (well) over the age of 50 – most in
their 60s or 70s. Yes, I am aware of the
studies that indicate that a bilateral mastectomy may not decrease the risk of developing
a contralateral breast cancer (getting cancer in the other boobie), but I have
a life expectancy of another 37 years. A
65 year old woman has a life expectancy of 20 years. A 75 year old woman has a life expectancy of
12 years. Translated, I have more years
to live so I more years in which for cancer to reoccur. Or how about as a younger woman, I am 9 times more likely to get cancer
again if I do a lumpectomy vs. a mastectomy. I think there was also a recent report that mammograms are not needed until
age 50. Umm, Hello? 46 here. Cancer caught by routine annual mammogram at
46. Cancer has already spread beyond
breast into lymph nodes. Hello? Anyone?
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I would be dead by the time I reach 50 if I had waited.
There are lots of studies, but I don’t give a CRAP about studies. This is about ME – Pam, Pamela, Daughter, PameLAMi,
Doodie, Mother, Sister, niece, cousin, aunt, godmamma, friend. ME GODDAMIT!
I don’t care that my risk of
developing cancer in the healthy breast may be “fairly low.” If I get to choose between 1% and 9%, I chose
the 1%. DCIS is associated with an
increased risk of invasive breast cancer. I’m young; I have a strong family history of all kinds of cancer. I will do everything in my power to prevent
my girls from having to watch me die from this.
GODDAMMIT.
The best comment I found from someone who also faced this decision was “I decided to only
dance with this devil once.” At the end of the day, I’m just
going with my gut. Cut these puppies off.
On a more positive note, I solved my problem. I can get Immediate Gratification. I can make Immediate Gratification Jam. Yep, that is its real name. Don’t you just love Google?
Here’s the recipe–
This jam is not preserved in airtight jars
with wax seals. It's completely fresh, and you only make enough to last about a
week because it keeps well in the refrigerator for that long. It is delicious
on toasted French bread that has been buttered as lightly or liberally as your
taste and waist allow.
Ingredients -
·
Strawberries,
raspberries or blueberries*
·
Approximately
1 to 2 cups sugar, depending on how much fruit you use
Directions -
1.
If the
strawberries are large, cut them into four pieces; if small, cut into two
pieces. The blueberries and raspberries do not need to be cut.
2.
Put
the fruit in a bowl and toss with sugar until all the fruit is coated with
sugar.
3.
Put
the fruit in a saucepan.
4.
Add
water to halfway up the fruit in the pan.
5.
Bring
to a boil uncovered.
6.
Lower
heat to a simmer immediately, stirring occasionally.
7.
When
the fruit has turned liquid, taste and add more sugar if it's not sweet enough.
Once the extra sugar melts into the fruit,
the jam is ready. It still looks runny but will firm up enough after it has
been refrigerated.
